


sometimes the past gets in the way

by Luxa08



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Fear of doctors, Gen, John Watson is a Good Doctor, Medical Examination, Panic Attacks, Stethoscope, bad childhood memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27310213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxa08/pseuds/Luxa08
Summary: Ellie is a 15 year old distant relative from John Watson and moved into 221B Baker Street a few months ago. On some days she enjoys solving crimes with Sherlock and John. Today was such a day, but when Ellie and Sherlock got hurt on a case, John and Sherlock found out about her fear of doctors the hard way and in the following started to help her overcoming this fear.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	1. Rising panic

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the original Sherlock Holmes characters. They´re from the BBC Series "Sherlock Holmes".  
> Please do not copy to another site.  
> There are probably many medical inaccuracies, sorry for that...

_The story starts in the middle of a case..._

John looked around. He was standing in an old, dusty garage full of old furniture and boxes. They had split up, Sherlock, Ellie and him, to search for the book they were looking for. The book with all the answers in it, according to Sherlock. While he was searching through the boxes, swearing now and then, he heard it. A crackling sound … like fire. Fire! He sprinted out of the garage and onto the street. The 1st floor of the house was on fire. John ran to the front door, opened it and stormed inside.

“Sherlock, Ellie," he screamed, not sure where his friends were.

“Coming.” Sherlocks voice came down the stairs he was rushing down, followed by Ellie.

“We need to get out!” John yelled as they made their way to the open front door.

Panting, they stood outside, when they heard the sirens. Probably a neighbour called 999. Firemens, an ambulance and the police arrived. While the firemens did their best to extinguish the fire, Sherlock, Ellie and John answered the policemans questions. Just as they were done, a paramedic was interrupting,

“Sorry to interrupt you, but were you exposed to the smoke?”

John answered quickly, “I wasn´t, but these two were in near proximity to the fire.”

“Okay," the paramedic said “would you please come with me?” he asked, looking at Ellie and Sherlock.

Sherlock shook his head, “there´s no need for that, I´m fine.”

“Me too," Ellie said.

Sherlock casted a quick look sideways at her, but said nothing.

John angrily shook his head. “Why are you two so stubborn?”

He turned to the paramedic. “I´m a doctor. I´m going to take them home and will take care of them. When they should be in need of further medical attention, I will drag them to the hospital myself.”

The paramedic nodded and turned.

“Are we done here?” John asked the policeman. He nodded.

“Good, let´s get you both home. You smell burned.”

They laughed and walked to the next street, waiting for a cab.

Arriving at 221B Baker Street they all went for a shower, before John made tea for all of them and they gathered around in the sitting room. Sherlock and Ellie sat on the sofa, Ellie clearly exhausted and coughing from time to time, Sherlock motionless, probably in his thoughts.

“I´m going to get my bag," John stated as he stood up and walked to his room. He came back a minute later, sat down at the couch table and looked at Sherlock and Ellie.

“Who wants first?” he asked.

“I will be," Sherlock said with a long thoughtful look at Ellie.

“Okay," John said and slid into doctor mode. He took Sherlocks pulse and blood pressure and looked into his mouth.

“Did you inhale a lot of the smoke?” John asked Sherlock.

Sherlock denied, “Ellie was far longer exposed, I just ran through the smoke to get her.”

“Can you ...” John began.

Sherlock didn´t wait for his question to end, but instead pulled his t-shirt over his head.

John nodded, “Yeah, thanks.”

While he listened to Sherlocks breathing with his stethoscope, fully concentrated on the task, Sherlock watched Ellie. She was as pale as a ghost and sweating, her breathing seemed very controlled, but Sherlock suspected it was only a matter of time until she would loose the control.

“Okay," John said, “you´re airways are clear and there is no sign for any damage.”

“I told you," Sherlock said while slipping back into his t-shirt.

“Ellie?” John turned towards her and stopped at the sight of her. “Ellie? What is it? Are you hurt?” John reached for Ellies arms, but she squirmed away, now panting heavily.

“John stop," Sherlock said and then louder “STOP IT!”

John was utterly confused, but did as Sherlock requested and kneeled down next to the side of the sofa where Ellie was sitting.

“I won´t touch you," he reassured her, holding his hands up “I swear."

He turned his head to Sherlock, “Care to explain?”

Sherlock answered in his usual fast way, “She is afraid of doctors, probably due to a childhood event, but she is extremely skilled at pushing her thoughts of this fear away, which is clearly obvious cause she lives with a doctor as a flatmate and is usually not afraid of you. Her fear concentrates mostly on the use of a stethoscope, but as this usually is a standard procedure in a medical examination of any kind, her mind subconsciously triggers her anxiety at any medical procedure.”

Sherlocks speech lasted only seconds. Ellie let out a whimper, tears streaming down her face while she was gasping desperately for air.

John looked surprised and kind of sad at Sherlocks words. He didn´t want anyone to be afraid of him or his profession.

He hastily pushed the stethoscope and his medical bag out of sight and spoke very clearly and slow.

“Ellie? I´m unarmed. Look” he hold his bare hands out in front of her.

“I´m just John, just a friend and as your friend I am really concerned about you now. You need to slow down your breathing or you´re going to pass out. Can you take a deep breath for me?”

They both could see her trying, but it didn´t work the slightest.

“Can I touch you?” John asked. Ellie shook her head.

“Is it okay if Sherlock touches you?” he asked further. Ellie thought about that for a moment, then nodded.

“Okay, then here is what we do: Sherlock, sit behind Ellie and put your arms around her as if you want to hug her” John commanded. Sherlock obeyed and slid behind Ellie.

“Ellie? Can you feel Sherlock in your back?” John asked. She nodded, still panicking.

“I want you to mimic Sherlocks breathing. Whenever you feel his chest rising you´re breathing in, too.”

John looked at Sherlock. “You know what to do?”

Sherlock rolled his eyes, “I´m quite intelligent, you know.”

Sherlock pressed Ellie against him and started breathing overly clear. “In” he said slowly “and out.” Ellie struggled hard, panting, but she tried. “In … and out.”

After 10 minutes half of her breaths matched with Sherlocks and after another 5 minutes she was breathing normally.

She leaned her head against Sherlock and closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face.

John was pulling a syringe and a small bottle out of his medical bag. He filled some of the liquid in the syringe and put the syringe next to Sherlock on the sofa.

“Ellie?” he spoke quietly and calmly. She made an unrecognizable sound.

“Sherlock is going to inject you something to ensure you stay calm and can sleep, okay?” Another sound.

John looked at Sherlock who was raising an eyebrow. “Intramuscular” John answered his unspoken question.

Sherlock shortly nodded and injected the medicament in Ellies arm. She didn´t even flinch when the needle stabbed her skin, she was too exhausted.

“Ellie?” John tried again.

“Mmh" she mumbled.

“When I´m sure you´re asleep I need to examine you. You were far longer in the smoke than Sherlock and it´s really important we don´t miss any signs of a smoke poisoning. You won´t notice anything of it, okay?”

She inhaled a shaky breath and nodded. Sherlock stood up and carried Ellie into her room, where he laid her gently on the bed, pulling the covers up and let his hand rest for a moment on her shoulder.

“Sleep" he said quietly and left the room, carefully closing the door behind him.


	2. The examination

Back in the living room Sherlock sat down in his chair.

“A cup of tea?” his flatmate asked. “Yes,” Sherlock replied.

John returned from the kitchen, two cups in his hands. He handed Sherlock one and sat down on the other chair.

“How long did you know?” John asked Sherlock with an annoyed look on his face.

“I suspected it the first time a few weeks ago when we had the case with the two busdrivers. She hurt her arm, but didn´t say anything to anyone, that made me suspicious. There were a few incidents after this which confirmed my suspicions. And today was fairly obvious I think, even for you,” Sherlock ended his explanations.

“Why haven´t I noticed?” John mumbled.

“You see, but you do not observe John,” Sherlock said impatiently.

“Yeah, but why didn´t you tell me?” John was annoyed.

“It wasn´t relevant before,” Sherlock simply said.

“You … forget it,” John rang his hands.

They sat some minutes in silence. “I´m going to examine Ellie now and I will need your help in doing so,” John said. Sherlock nodded and they stood up, John catching his medical bag, and walked into Ellies room.

She was sound asleep, thanks to the exhaustion and the medicament, and laid on her side, with her back to them. Carefully John and Sherlock kneeled beside her bed and John pulled the covers a few inches down. He wanted to do the most important thing first. While he warmed the cold metal piece he whispered to Sherlock that he should lift her t-shirt. Sherlock carefully did as he was asked to and John pressed his stethoscope against the girls back. He moved around, concentrating. Afterwards he tabbed with his fingers along her lungs to make sure there was no fluid building up, as edemas were a common risk of a smoke poisoning. When he was done, he motioned Sherlock that they would need to roll Ellie to the other side. They did so as slowly as possible.

John again hold up the stethoscope to listen to her lungs from the front, then to her heart. It was beating too fast for Johns liking, but there were no arrhythmias. He put the stethoscope aside and gingerly took Ellies hand in his own to look at her fingernails. They weren´t as pink as they should have been, but definitely not blue. John sighed relieved, after what he was witnessing today he assumed, a trip to the hospital would be a catastrophe for Ellie.

One last thing. “Can you open her mouth slightly,” he whispered to Sherlock. He did and John looked with a little lamp into her mouth. He didn´t use a tongue depressor, because he feared it would wake Ellie up despite the medicament. But even without John could see the red and sore throat. That would be painful for quite a while, he thought. He inspected her tongue and lips, but again couldn´t see any bluishness.

Relieved he put his things back into his bag, Sherlock covered Ellie up and they both quietly left her room.

“And?” Sherlock asked, not used to be at the receiving end of informations.

“For now she is okay, she doesn´t need to go to the hospital for any oxygen treatment. She´s a bit tachycardic , her throat is slightly damaged, but nothing serious. The only thing worrying me is that there could be fluid building up in her lungs over the next 24 hours. Apart from a little wheezing her lungs are okay at the moment, but she obviously inhaled a lot of smoke.”

“So, basically all we can do is to wait,” Sherlock stated and moved to the kitchen. “Well then, I´ve got a case to solve...”


	3. Morning

When Ellie woke up the next morning, she felt like a bus had hit her. Everything ached and her lungs were hurting when she drew in a deep breath. Her throat felt very sore and she decided to make herself a cup of tea, when the memory of the last evening hit her.

They knew. It was one of her biggest secrets, one she was deeply ashamed of, and now they knew.

Slowly she pushed the panic aside, her desire for a hot tea for her throat was too big. Ellie made her way into the kitchen, where John was sitting, eating breakfast and Sherlock fumbling around with some sort of experiment.

“Morning,” she mumbled, avoiding to look Sherlock or John in the eye.

“Morning,” John said in return, a concerned look on his face. Sherlocks eyes were fixed on his experiment and he didn´t even bothered with a morning greeting.

“There´s no need to be embarassed,” he said while he was looking at a petri dish in his hand.

“I´m not...” Ellie started. “Yes, you are,” Sherlock interrupted her, “and you shouldn´t be. You´re afraid of doctors, that´s a bit unusual, but nothing to be ashamed of. John is afraid of spiders.”

“I´m not...” John began. “Yes, you are,” both Sherlock and Ellie said simultaneously. A small smile was visible on her face.

It soon vanished when Sherlock continued talking, “You should however try to overcome this fear, as it is very unhandy when it comes to solving crimes. It was pure luck you didn´t get seriously hurt earlier. Things like yesterday can happen anytime on a case.”

“I know,” Ellie replied, “I just … can´t.”

Sherlock carried on, “You need to figure out how you can tolerate it. The sooner the better. John needs to listen to your lungs today anyway.”

Ellie felt like she was going to be sick. “Just leave me alone,” she hissed and angrily turned around, walking into her room and slamming the door shut behind her.

“Sherlock!” John exclaimed.

Sherlock looked at him, obviously confused, “What? She had to know anyway.”

“Timing!” John pointed out, leaving the kitchen to look after Ellie.

But before he even reached her room, the door swung open and Ellie came out, a jacket in one hand, a small backpack in the other one. “I´m going out for a walk,” she stated and pushed past John towards the stairs.

“I´ll go with you,” John said calmly.

“I don´t want you to go with me. I want to be alone, that´s the point of _going out for a walk,_ ” she rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, I got it, thanks, but that´s not going to happen. I won´t let you wandering around London alone, not today,” he answered sternly.

Ellie was visibly annoyed, “Why am I not allowed to go on my own? I´m perfectly capable of...” Then it dawned on her and she shuddered slightly. “Fine,” she gave in, “Just don´t tell me, okay? I will be waiting outside.” With this words she stomped down the stairs and out of the front door.

John sighed, reaching for his jacket and shoes. This wouldn´t be easy...


	4. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of psychological abuse

They walked down the street in silence. Ellie headed towards the nearest park, John close behind her. It was a beautiful park and the spring brought the trees and flowers to bloom, but neither of them had an eye for the nature today.

  
When she reached the nearest bench, Ellie stopped and sat down. She put her head between her knees, trying to catch her breath. John sat down too, but made sure to keep enough distance to Ellie. It was against all his instincts, he wanted to touch her back, to calm her, but he held back, knowing his touch would probably upset her.

“Are you all right?” he asked carefully after a minute.

“Yeah, I´m fine,” Ellie replied toneless.

“You don´t look fine,” John said simply, hoping she would look at him, speak with him.

“What do you want from me?” She finally looked up, still slightly out of breath, her eyes tired and empty.

“I want to be there for you, I want to help you, I want to talk to you about what happened yesterday,” there was despair in John´s voice.

“I don´t want to talk,” Ellie whispered.

“Yeah, but maybe you should,” John commented.   
“After Afghanistan I refused to talk about what I had experienced, for months. It didn´t do me any good. The moment I started to talk about my experiences, life became a little easier.”

They sat on the bench in silence, watching a family passing by and a few birds picking at bread crumbs lying around a garbage can. 

“You would laugh at me,” Ellie suddenly broke the silence.

John looked baffled, “Why would I laugh at you?”

“Because it´s stupid!” she blurted out. “It´s stupid and I´m fucking embarrassed!”

“Whatever makes you afraid or upset is not stupid, not for me. Think of it the other way round. Would you laugh at me, if I told you about something that´s upsetting me?” John tried to catch her eye.

Ellie shook her head. Slowly she turned her head around, looking John in the eyes at last. She couldn´t find anything, but true concern in his face. “Okay,” she mumbled while closing her eyes, trying to breathe normally and pushing the uprising panic aside.

“I never liked being touched by strangers,” Ellie started. “And when you go to the doctors you´re getting touched by a stranger, so that was part of the aversion from the beginning. I didn´t want to take my clothes off, especially not my shirt. 

  
I know it sounds strange, but as a kid it was way worse for me to take my shirt off than my trousers. For me the genitalia were just things where the feces came out, so it was filthy and if someone wants to look at that, fine, their problem. But when you take your shirt off your … ,” she stopped talking, taking a deep breath and tried to ignore her racing heart.

“Do you know what everyone tells little children about where the feelings come from? Where they feel things?” Ellie asked shakily.

John nodded slowly, “They are told that their feelings are located in their heart.”

“As a child I took most of the things very literally, so I honestly thought my feelings were in my …,” Ellie shortly stopped, “... heart.”

“You know my mum,” she continued, “she used every piece of information she had against me, she was cruel and loved to play her psycho-games with me.   
The only thing she couldn´t know were my feelings, cause she couldn´t see them. But when you´re at the doctors and they do … you know what, then they could hear my feelings, at least that was what I thought at that time.”

“I didn´t want anyone to know my feelings!” she uttered. “They were the only thing that belonged exclusively to me. I really thought, they could hear my feelings, I really did.   
I hated taking my shirt off, because my heart wouldn´t be protected anymore. The more layers I had on, the safer I felt. I never went out of the house without an undershirt.   
Of course when I was at the doctors, and had to take my shirt off against my will, my heart started racing, because I knew what would come.”

“When they … listened they would ask me things like “you´re a bit nervous, aren´t you?” and it only confirmed my belief that they could hear my feelings. My mother always smirked gleefully at me, because she then knew how embarrassed and afraid I was.

  
I started thinking that the whole thing wouldn´t be as bad if my mother wasn´t in the room, so I started saying “I want to go alone,” every time I had to go into an examination room.”

My mother just smirked at me every time and demonstrated her power over me by not letting me go alone, even when I begged her. I felt so embarrassed and exposed and I could do nothing about it.  
This whole thing started at a very young age and it repeated itself over and over and over again, because I couldn´t do nothing to change it. Even when I grew up and learned that the … heart is only an organ pumping blood through your body, I couldn´t stop the feelings of exposure and embarrassment. It never went away.”

Ellie was in tears. Her breathing became more rapid and she was shaking besides the relatively warm spring day.   
John stood up and just opened his arms. Ellie hesitated for a short moment, then sprang up and into the hug. She was sobbing uncontrollably by now, her face at John´s chest.  
John could feel her panicky breaths, the shaking going through her entire body, her racing heart. 

  
He just hold her very tight for a few minutes, thinking of how much he wanted to punch Ellie´s mother in the face for making her daughter feel so miserable. And she even enjoyed it. He felt sick at the thought. How could you do that to a child? It´s the parents job to keep their child safe.

After a few more minutes John became worried, because Ellie didn´t calm down. With Ellie so close to him he could feel her heart, beating way too fast, and her irregular, panting breaths. He had thought both would settle down after a while, but apparently this wasn´t going to happen. The whole thing must be exceptional stressful for Ellie, as she normally wasn´t the type to panic.

He freed himself from the hug and grabbed Ellie by the shoulders. “Ellie,” he said gently, “I think you´re having another panic attack. Can you try to slow your breathing a bit? Look at me and breathe when I do.”

“In,” he said and his chest rose, “and out,” he continued and his chest fell. “In … and out. In … and out.” 

It worked. Ellie slowly calmed down. She wiped away her tears and wiped her nose with a handkerchief. Again she took a few slow breaths.

“You´re okay?” John asked, still holding her by the shoulders.

She nodded. John took her in another hug and quietly spoke, “Let´s get back to the flat, so you can lie down a bit.”

Unable to argue she let herself directed from John out of the park and towards 221B Baker Street.

Halfway John broke the silence, “Would it be okay, if I told Sherlock about our conversation?”

Ellie snorted, “He is going to deduce everything we talked about as soon as we enter the flat anyway, so yeah, feel free.”

“True,” John smiled and while they walked the rest of the way, he told Ellie a bit about his experiences at the surgery.


	5. Let´s play doctor

“Sherlock?” John came into the kitchen. “Sherlock, I need you for an experiment.”

“An experiment?” Sherlock asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I want to help Ellie with her anxiety, so I thought it would be good to...” John couldn´t finish his sentence, because Sherlock was interrupting him.

“That´s not an experiment John. You want me as a dummy to be poked and prodded at.”

John sighed, of course Sherlock already knew what he was planning to do. “Think of it as an experiment on how to overcome anxiety. You can witness the progress and store it in your mind palace. Please?”

Sherlock thought about that for a moment. “All right,” he said to John´s relief.

He sat down on the sofa, looking expectantly at John. For a moment John was taken by surprise. He hadn´t thought convincing Sherlock would be that easy. On the other hand John knew Sherlock cared for Ellie, even when it was hard to tell with Sherlock sometimes.

“Okay,” John spoke slowly “I´m going to catch Ellie then.”

He returned shortly after with Ellie on his heels. She sat down next to Sherlock on the sofa, looking at him questioningly. Sherlock just shrugged his shoulders, looking bored. John was suddenly nervous. He hoped Ellie would take part in his idea. He cleared his throat.

“Do you remember what I told you this morning? About the children with a fear of doctors coming into the surgery?”

Ellie nodded suspiciously. John continued, “Well I thought that maybe it would be a good idea...”

“Oh, please John, do us the favor and stop fumbling around,” Sherlock interjected. “You always tell the parents to play doctor with their children. The children are in control of the examination and therefore loose their fear. You want Ellie to examine me to take her fear, which is quite the clever idea, I must admit. If it works on the children why not on her. Isn´t that right?”

John sighed, “Yes that´s right, but don´t worry,” he turned to Ellie who was already starting to panic, “The stethoscope is upstairs in my room. We won´t use it, it´s not part of the examination.”

“Okay,” she said, breathing shakily. “I think that´s acceptable.”

John brought out his medical bag behind the armchair. Ellie`s hands were sweaty, she focused on controlling her breathing. Nothing bad is going to happen, she told herself. This has nothing to do with the thing. Everything is alright, no need to panic.

  
She exhaled slowly, “What am I supposed to do?”

John took an otoscope out of his bag.  
“With this instrument we look a patient in the ear,” John explained and looked Sherlock in the ears, before handing the otoscope to Ellie, “Your turn.”

Her hands were shaking when she reached for the instrument. I can do this, she told herself. You´re safe. You trust John and Sherlock. Nothing bad is going to happen, she repeated like a mantra.  
She led the otoscope to Sherlock´s ear like John had showed her and looked through the small opening.

“Do you see any redness?” John asked. Ellie shook her head. “Good, then the other side,” John instructed. Ellie did as she was asked and said, “this ear looks fine, too.” She handed the otoscope back to John.

“Good,” he said, “now we check for head injuries.” He carefully lifted Sherlock´s eyelid with his thumb and shone shortly with a penlight in his eye.

“We are checking the pupil response,” he explained Ellie, “it´s important that both pupils react equally to the light.”

John did the same thing on Sherlock´s other eye before handing the penlight to Ellie. She hold it, looking unsure about what to do.  
John patiently said, “use your thumb to lift his eyelid, yeah, exactly like that, now briefly shine the penlight in his eye.” She did as he said.

“Did the pupil react?” John asked her. Ellie nodded. “Good, that´s good, now the other side.” She shone the light in the other eye.

“Did the pupil react?” John asked her again. Ellie nodded shyly. “Did they react the same way? Or was one pupil slower to contract?” He continued. She quietly answered, “They both contracted at the same speed.”

“Probably no bad head injury then,” John smiled.

Sherlock snorted “I could have given you this information without you blinding me.”

“Stop talking Sherlock and open your mouth,” John ordered. Sherlock obeyed, not without a glare at John, and opened his mouth.  
Armed with a tongue depressor and his penlight John said, “Say aaaaah.”

“Definitely not,” Sherlock replied indignantly.

“Fine,” John rolled his eyes, “we can see either way.”

He turned towards Ellie, “I´m looking for redness, sores or swollen tonsils.”

He finished examining Sherlock´s mouth and handed the instruments to Ellie. She took them and repeated John´s action.  
“Can you see any redness?” he asked her. She shook her head. “Any wounds?” Another headshake. “Swollen tonsils?” “I don´t think so,” Ellie answered his question.

“Great,” John smirked, “let´s move on to the lymph nodes then.”

He felt along Sherlock´s neck and under his jaw, he then guided Ellie´s hands to do the same.  
“Normally you can´t really feel them. When you check if the lymph nodes are swollen, it is important to pay attention to the movability and if there is any tenderness.”

Ellie closed her eyes, concentrating on the feeling under her fingers. “Under his jaw there are two lymph nodes slightly swollen, one on the left side and one on the right, but … they are are movable,” she announced.

“Very good,” John smiled. “Maybe Sherlock´s coming down with something, or maybe it´s just a coincidence and the lymph nodes go back to normal in a few days. We will check that.”

“Now the reflexes,” John said. He rummaged in his bag and brought out a reflex hammer. “There are many reflexes one could test, but we´ll only do the most common one. Sherlock can you sit up higher, on the top of the armchair maybe? So your legs are dangling?”

Sherlock moved without complaining and Ellie and John stood in front of him. “It´s called the patellar reflex. You need to hit gently at a spot directly under his kneecap. If everything is functioning properly, his leg will respond by kicking up.”

He demonstrated it and Sherlock´s legs responded with textbook accuracy. John handed the reflex hammer to Ellie, who visibly had calmed down. He noticed that her hands weren´t shaking anymore, her breathing pattern was perfectly normal and her face relaxed.

“I didn´t know this is so interesting,” she confessed while tapping under Sherlock´s kneecaps. As before with John his reaction was accurate.

“Let´s move back to the sofa,” John suggested. “Sherlock, can you please lie down on your back? Oh, and lift up your shirt a little bit.”

“You´re enjoying this far to much for my liking,” Sherlock commented, but did as he was told.

John kneeled down beside the sofa and winked Ellie to do the same.

“We´re palpating Sherlock´s abdomen now,” John explained. “For an examination the abdomen is parted in four sections,” he motioned his hand above Sherlock´s stomach to show them.  
“You press your hand down in each segment to see if there are hardenings or if you can palpate any organ because it´s enlarged,” John spoke further while doing so.  
“When you do this, it´s important to watch the patients reaction. If you look at his face during the exam, you can see if he shows signs of pain or malaise.”

John was done and moved to make space for Ellie. She laid her hands on Sherlock´s stomach, looking uneasy.

“It´s alright,” Sherlock said to Ellie, giving John the feeling he missed out on a conversation.

Ellie moved her hands like John showed her, carefully watching Sherlock´s expression while doing so. “I can feel no hardenings or enlarged organs,” she said turned to John.

“Neither could I,” John confirmed.

“One last thing,” he said, “Sherlock? Could you sit up for us and move the shirt on your back up?”

Sherlock sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes towards Ellie, which made her giggle slightly.

John was in his element and just ignored Sherlock. “This part is, amongst other things, important to check for fluid building up in the lungs,” he explained. “You´re putting a finger of one hand on different parts of his lungs, while tapping on this finger with a finger from your other hand.”

To say that Ellie looked confused was an understatement.

“I´ll show you,” John reassured her. He pressed a finger on the base of Sherlock´s left lung and tapped with his other hand against it. He listened closely.

“The sound should be deep, loud and hollow,” he said and moved to a higher spot. He repeated his actions on multiple spots of Sherlock´s lungs before looking at Ellie. “Your turn.”

Ellie imitated John´s motions and listened concentrated. She found it very difficult to judge the sound. Finishing her tapping she said smiling, “I´ve got no idea what I´ve just heared, but I think Sherlock will live.”

“Excellent,” Sherlock stated and swung his legs around, so he could sit properly on the sofa, “I`m done with body contact for the rest of the week,” he snorted, but Ellie could have sworn he shortly winked at her.


	6. The other way round

“Next step,” Sherlock announced, standing in the kitchen doorframe, after John and Ellie had their lunch. Sherlock refused to eat, of course.

“Huh?” John uttered.

“Next step,” Sherlock repeated. “You said this was an experiment on how to overcome anxiety and as you both took care of you´re human needs,” at this he waved his hand carelessly towards the empty plates, “we can continue the experiment.”

Ellie and John looked perplexed. John finally cleared his throat, “What do you have in mind?”

“The first step was to take her fear of the examination procedure itself, and to show her, that an examination not necessarily correlates with the use of a stethoscope,” Sherlock answered, “so the next step for her would be taking part in the same procedure as before, but without her being in control. Ellie needs to be the patient next.”

“You know, sometimes I want a cabdriver as flatmate instead of a genius detective,” Ellie muttered.

John chuckled, but looked thoughtful at the same time.

“I´m afraid Sherlock´s right,” he told Ellie, “but it´s entirely up to you. If you don´t want to go further we don´t have to.”

She grimaced. On one hand, she wanted to stay as far away from everything regarding medicine and examinations as she could, on the other hand, she wanted to live without the constant fear of hurting herself in a way which made medical attention necessary.

It would be nice not to hide every cut or minor injury, but instead let them be taken proper care of.

When she surfaced from her thoughts, John and Sherlock were both looking at her expectantly. She cleared her throat, “I can try it.”

“Remember, you don´t have to do this. You can say stop at any time,” John reminded her.

“I... I trust you,” Ellie admitted timidly.

John knew that this confession required a lot from her and it moved him much.

Sherlock opened his mouth, “Sentiment is a ...”

“...great trait in human beings,” John interrupted him. “Let´s move to the living room then, shall we?”

Sherlock and Ellie sat down on the sofa, Ellie wringing her hands nervously. John again laid out his medical supplies on the couch table.

“I´m going to examine you now. I´ll repeat the same steps we did before with Sherlock, in the same order, okay?” John asked carefully. Ellie took in a deep breath, “okay.”

“I´m going to look into your ears now,” John told Ellie before picking up the otoscope and doing so.

“First thing done,” he smiled at her, reaching for his penlight. “Do not scare, I´m going to touch you now. I´m lifting your eyelid,” he did so, “and now the light,” he announced, checking the pupil response. “You´re okay?” he asked Ellie. She nodded, she seemed to be relatively calm for now.

“Let´s move on to the mouth then,” John said and took the tongue depressor in one hand, the penlight in the other. “Can you open your mouth for me?” he asked gently.

Ellie shuddered slightly, but did as she was asked. After John had a good look, he put his instruments aside and noted “you´re throat is still very red and sore from the smoke you inhaled. Does it hurt to swallow?” She nodded. “Your throat is going to hurt for a little while, I´m afraid,” John said apologetically.

“Can I touch you now to check your lymph nodes?” he looked Ellie in the eyes. He saw her fear in them, but also her determination. She silently nodded, feeling unable to say something.

John moved his hands around her neck and under her jaw to check for swollen lymph nodes.

“Everything normal,” he announced. “You´re half done,” he praised her.

He picked up his reflex hammer. “Your legs are a lot shorter than Sherlock´s so I think it will be sufficient if you cross your legs for this.”

Ellie complied and let John check her reflexes on both sides.

“Your reflexes are diminished, but that´s not unusual with your level of tension,” he told her afterwards.

He put the reflex hammer aside, “Could you lie down so I can palpate your stomach?”

Ellie´s breathing quickened, she closed her eyes trying to calm down. Sherlock, who had been unusually quiet the entire time, said, “You´re safe here. Nothing bad is going to happen. I´ve got you.”

With this words he helped Ellie to lie down on her back, her head on Sherlock´s upper leg. John waited until she had calmed down, before he went on with the examination.

“I´m going to lift your shirt up a little bit, is that okay?” John watched Ellie, waiting for permission. She nodded.

John did as he said and started palpating her stomach. “Nothing out of the order,” he said while he carefully pulled down her shirt.

“One more thing, then you´re done. You think you can do that?” John asked.

He really hoped she would say yes. He wouldn´t be able to listen to her lungs with a stethoscope unless he sedated her another time, which he didn´t want to do.

But if he could percuss her lungs he wouldn´t need to do that. The most pressing concern was for possibly edemas building up in her lungs and to check for that he didn´t need his stethoscope.

Another nod from Ellie. She wasn´t sure whether her voice would fail, so nodding seemed to be the easier thing to do.

With Sherlock´s help Ellie sat up and turned around. Now she sat with her back to John, her face was turned to Sherlock.

John spoke, “I know this is particularly hard for you, but I need you to lift your shirt up to your shoulders so I have access to every part of your lung.”

Ellie hesitated for a moment, changing looks with Sherlock. She then slowly lifted her shirt up until it rested on her shoulders. Ellie was panting now, she had the feeling of not getting enough air.

Sherlock took her clammy hands in his, “Hey, look at me,” he said and, when she didn´t respond, he said again more insistent this time, “Look at me!”

Ellie obeyed and the panic in her eyes was clearly visible.

“Nothing bad is going to happen. Your safe here,” Sherlock repeated his words from before.

While he continued to speak quietly with Ellie to calm her down, John started tapping at different spots of her lungs. It was quite hard to hear the sounds over Ellie´s panicky breaths and Sherlock´s talking, but he managed, he was an army doctor after all.

Satisfied with the result he quickly pulled Ellie´s shirt down and laid a hand on her shoulder, “I´m done. It´s over. You did it.”

With a small whimper she sank into the sofa and pulled up her knees. John sat down next to her, not sure if she wanted to be comforted by him.

Normally Ellie would come to John for comfort, but in this case he was the “bad guy” after all. And indeed she leaned over to Sherlock and snuggled her head against his shoulder.

John wasn´t sure if he should be sad, when he felt a small, clammy hand searching for his. He took her hand in his and gave it a tight squeeze. He smiled when he felt a squeeze in return.


	7. Sherlock is bored

The following days went by without further incidents. John worked at the surgery, Ellie went to school and Sherlock successfully solved the case. He was bored. When John and Ellie arrived late one afternoon, they found their flat to be in a big mess.

“Sherlock!” John exclaimed, “what have you done?”

Sherlock was lying on the sofa, eyes closed. “Nothing, that´s the problem. I´m bored.”

“Why did you make such a mess of our flat?” John asked further.

Sherlock opened his eyes, “did I?” He huffed and shrugged his shoulders.

Before John could start to scold him, the door opened and Ellie came in. She looked around, her eyes wide open, “what the hell happened here?”

“Sherlock was just about to tell us,” John said, eyeing him outraged.

Sherlock swung his legs around and sat up, “I´m bored, so either you provide me with input or you better go away.”

“I could tell you about my day at the surgery,” John offered.

“I´ll leave you alone then,” Ellie announced and turned towards the door.

“That´s it! Thank you John!” Sherlock exclaimed and sprang up.

“You´re welcome I guess. You know, I´ve got no clue what you´re talking about,” John reminded him.

“We still need to perform the last part of the experiment with Ellie,” Sherlock said and ran around agitated. “She might tolerate an examination in general, but she´s still afraid of stethoscopes and their use. It´s the experiment or this,” he pointed around the messy flat.

John sighed, “can´t argue with that.” He looked at Ellie, “you´re up for it?”

“No, but I doubt that I will ever be. I guess it´s for the best to get done with the whole thing. Let´s do it,” she said unenthusiastically and went into the kitchen to turn the kettle on.

John sat down on the sofa, putting his medical bag down onto the floor. Sherlock pulled his shirt off and by that messed up his already disheveled hair. In this moment Mrs. Hudson came upstairs, standing in the doorframe. She looked at the half naked Sherlock, his messy hair and John right next to him. She blushed, “Oh, sorry to interrupt you boys.” She was about to turn around, when Ellie came from the kitchen into the living room.

“With the girl in the room!” Mrs. Hudson exclaimed indignantly. “Sherlock where are your manners?! Ellie, come downstairs with me honey, I have biscuits and will make you a cup of tea.”

Ellie could hardly contain herself from suppressed laughing, John's expression was just indescribable.

Smirking she nodded at Mrs. Hudson and followed her downstairs. Halfway down she called upstairs, “remember, always use protection!”

She returned an hour later, still smirking, and sat down on the sofa. “Did you have fun?” she asked innocently. John just glared at her, Sherlock seemed unimpressed.

“We were interrupted,” he stated. Once again he pulled his shirt off and looked to John, “your turn, doctor.”

“Maybe we should start with Ellie just touching the stethoscope first,” John thought out loud, “so the item itself stops frightening her.”

He sat down beside Ellie, rummaged in his bag and got the stethoscope out. He held it on his outstretched hands. Ellie carefully took the stethoscope out of John´s hands. She shuddered and started breathing uneasily. “How long should I hold it?” she asked nervously.

John opened his mouth, but Sherlock spoke first, “Until you calm down.”

“I´m calm,” she said quickly, her voice higher than usual.

“Nice try,” Sherlock scoffed, “just hold it for a few minutes.”

She did and she wouldn´t have thought it possible, but she calmed down. “When you´re afraid your body starts a fight-or-flight-reaction,” Sherlock explained, “as soon as the body realizes there is no actual danger the vitals and hormones go back to normal. You can use it in the therapy of anxiety disorders.”

John took over. “I´m measuring Sherlock´s blood pressure now.” He took the blood pressure cuff out of his bag and wrapped it around Sherlock´s upper arm. He inflated the cuff, put the ear plugs in his ears and held the diaphragm of the stethoscope in the crook of Sherlock´s elbow. He slowly deflated the cuff and finally took the ear plugs out of his ears. “100/60, we haven´t eaten in a while, have we?” he glared at Sherlock.

John handed Ellie the stethoscope, “now you. You have to inflate the cuff and while you slowly deflate it there is going to be a “whooshing” sound. Be careful at which number it starts and at which it ends.”

Ellie nodded and followed John´s instructions with shaking hands. When she took the ear plugs out she smiled slightly, “100/60.” “Very good,” John smiled at her. “A bit not good,” he said sternly, facing Sherlock. Sherlock just rolled his eyes.

John looked Ellie in the eyes. “I think it would be the best, if you listen to Sherlock´s heart first instead of me. Remember it´s just an organ, you can´t hear any feelings while listening.”

She shook her head, “I can´t. I can´t do this,” the panic in her voice was obvious.

“Yes you can,” John reassured her. He motioned towards Sherlock´s bare chest. “There are different spots on the chest, on each of them you can hear one heart valve especially good, but on this point,” he laid his finger on Sherlock´s chest, “you can hear them all at once.”

Slowly Ellie put the ear plugs in her ears and raised the diaphragm to the place John´s finger was pointing at. She was startled by how loud the sound was and immediately withdrew her hand. After a few breaths she tried again and this time she hold the diaphragm in place. She could hear Sherlock´s slow and steady heartbeat, no feelings. She knew she wouldn´t hear any feelings, of course she knew, but the child in her still was afraid of somebody listening to her feelings with a stethoscope. Ellie concentrated on the sound, after a while she found the regularly beats quite calming.  
Sherlock suddenly started breathing much faster and his heart reacted by pounding a lot harder and faster. Scared Ellie removed the ear plugs from her ears. She looked at John.

“The heartbeat was louder and faster than before, right?” he asked calmly. She just nodded, trying to keep her own panic at bay.

“Do you know what he´s feeling?” John questioned further. Ellie shook her head. “Listen again,” he prompted her and she did as she was told. When she was done John asked her again, “do you know what he´s feeling?” Again Ellie just shook her head.

“Exactly,” John said, his voice firm. “Sherlock has an accelerated heartrate, you can hear it, but you´ve got no idea why. He could be nervous, afraid, excited or really happy, angry, he could be aroused.” “I already told you: not my area!” Sherlock huffed, but John just waved his hand at him “oh shut up Sherlock.”

“You know what I´m trying to tell you?” John watched Ellie´s reactions. “Apart from a lot of medical reasons for an accelerated heartrate there are a lot of possibilities as of why a heart beats faster. Even the doctors in your past were wrong when they were guessing. Remember what you told me? That they asked you, if you were nervous? You weren´t “nervous”, inside you were panicking. You can only guess the reasons, but the only one who knows for sure is you and if you don´t want to tell anyone what you feel, you don´t have to.”

Ellie was caught in her thoughts. They tried to not disturb her and let her calm down.  
When she emerged from her thoughts, John looked at her inquiringly.

“You think I can have a listen to your heart now?” he asked carefully.

She nodded slowly, her eyes stared into space. “Hey!” John shook her shoulder until her eyes focused again, “when you´re dissociating the whole thing is pointless. You need to be aware of everything, otherwise the “overcome-your-fear-technique” Sherlock was talking about is not going to work.”

“Okay,” Ellie said, pinching her arm every time she felt herself drifting away.

“Could you lift your shirt up?” John asked cautious, warming up the stethoscope with his hand.

She replied, “this way I can´t pinch myself. I can... I can pull my shirt off. I can do this.” With this words she pulled her shirt over her head and put it on the couch table, immediately starting to pinch herself again.

Ellie panted, she felt like someone was strangling her, like she wasn´t getting enough air.

John hold up the stethoscope so she could see it and asked silently for permission. She gave her okay by nodding her head. He placed the diaphragm of the stethoscope on her chest. Ellie immediately tensed up and stopped breathing for a second, before her breathing became erratic.

Sherlock started speaking, “everything is okay, there´s no reason to panic, nobody is going to hurt you.” While John moved the stethoscope to different places, Sherlock continued to calm Ellie down, “you´re safe here. We´re not like your mother, nobody is going to embarrass you, John can´t hear any feelings, it´s just an organ.” He went on like this the entire time, trying to prevent a full blown panic attack.

John went on listening to the different valves of Ellie´s heart while waiting for her body to accommodate. Her heart rate was quite high and it didn´t seem like it was about to slow down. Sherlock continued to talk to her and John waited patiently. At least he knew now that her heart was perfectly healthy.

After what felt like an eternity John could hear Ellie´s heart to slow down. It needed another few minutes to return to a halfway normal speed. Finally John pulled out the ear plugs of the stethoscope , startled by the sudden silence, and set it aside. He reached for Ellie´s shirt and helped her putting it back on. She was pale, slightly shaking and still a bit out of breath, but that was nothing compared to before.

All of a sudden Ellie sprang up and ran to the writing desk, starting to vomit heavily in the bin beside it. When her stomach had emptied itself, a worried Sherlock helped her walking into the kitchen to rinse her mouth. He steadied her on the way back to the sofa where she sat down, completely exhausted.

She started crying when the tension eased. Sherlock pulled her onto his lap and rocked her back and forth. John was taken by surprise. He had not thought Sherlock was capable of such a compassion.  
It didn´t take long for Ellie to fall in an exhausted sleep. Sherlock sat still, arms wrapped around Ellie who was snuggled up against his chest.

After a while John´s and Sherlock´s eyes met. “Mission completed,” Sherlock mouthed. John nodded. “Spiders?” Sherlock mouthed grinning, nodding his head in John´s direction. “DON´T YOU DARE!” came the silent reply.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This is my first fanfic and I would love to hear you´re thoughts about it.  
> English is not my mother language, so please have that in mind when pointing out grammar mistakes ;)


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